The dread of year 40 is a cultural impulse. I remember people suggesting to my mom that she just turn 39 several times.  Well here I am at thirty nine—not feeling like I belong in the 49ers group yet, but that special month is on the horizon.

Ironically, as I entered the funeral of a man in his 40s this past weekend, it struck me: why would 40 be a bad number?  God seems to like it! Moses had 40 days of connecting with God on Mount Sinai to inscribe the law (Exodus 24 & 34), 40 years for the Israelites training toward godliness in the desert, 40 days of travel after Elijah was rejuvenated by an angel and then God gave him assurance that he was not alone (1 Kings 19). The Ninevites had 40 days to repent at Jonah’s warning (Jonah 3), Goliath taunted Israel for 40 days before David rescued them in the name of the Lord (1 Samuel 17).  King Saul, King David, & King Solomon all served 40 years.  Israel had peace 40 years with the service of Gideon, Barak & Deborah (Judges 5 & 8). And Jesus spent 40 days fasting and resisting the devil before starting his ministry (Luke 4).

So what of my 40?

When I was first baptized at 13, I had this immediate urge to go out and tell people about the gospel, but despite growing up in the church and understanding it well enough myself, I felt I needed more direction in order to do it properly. I brought it up in a small group Bible study, but only came away with a book called the heart reader, which was an interesting read, but it was about a person who had some spiritual gift of being able to actually hear what somebody’s heart was feeling.  Wow cool and useful, I didn’t have that so that was a dead end for me.   And so overtime, my passion faded.

When I found the field of apologetics after college, my interest in learning about God, theology and understanding how to share with others about him was reinvigorated.  But after possibly 15 years of study, how many individuals can I say I had talked to you about God and the gospel? There’s not one I can confidently count on my hand. So am I a real believer in Christ or do I just like religion?  If I’m a real believer, shouldn’t I have faith enough to care about others enough to step out?  And how many times have I reminded myself of that and not get done anything? Luckily there’s always forgiveness and Philippians says forgetting what is behind and training toward what is ahead. I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heaven in Christ Jesus. But clearly I need something to activate this.   I need to stop sitting around waiting for somebody to do it with me or hoping I will take just the right class or read just the right book to feel confident.  I’m sitting in motion my 40 by 40 goal. By the time I turn 40 years old, I want to have talked to 40 nonbelievers (little kids I meet at church don’t count) about the gospel. I have to start with number one.